a whacka-chicka-WOW
May. 22nd, 2003 02:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kafzielI'd like, if I may, to relate a story from my past. Not distant past. Just, like, a month ago. Still, it's funny.
Jack, Devon, and myself (RPG group) were heading out to go see the dubbed Cowboy Bebop movie in the theaters. The plan was to park at a subway station, take that to the theater (with a couple switchings of trains on the way), watch it, take it back, and drive back to Devon's house to continue our Hackmaster game. However, something happened on the way. Something beyond the bizarre.
OK, we parked at the Franconia-Springfield station, all is good. We took the Blue Line to the Pentagon, switched to the Yellow Line, took that to Gallery Point. And got lost. See, we needed to switch lines at Gallery Point, but the layout of that station is all weird, so we got disoriented. We ended up wandering the station for a while, and eventually found ourselves way in the back against a wall. Now, this area was completely devoid of all life. I mean, not a person within a good 200 feet, in any direction. However, we were not entirely alone.
See, the subway stations have benches, so that people can sit down while waiting for their trains. And there was a bench there, in the ass end of the station. Nobody nearby. But on this bench, there was a small blue plastic bag, like one would get to carry something from a store in, clearly not empty. Now, we were understandably curious. We talked amongst ourselves for a second, asking "Should we look?" and "What the hell could be in there? Is it drugs? Cash?". But we were wrong. Jack went over and looked, and announced that the bag contained neither drugs nor cash, but instead the absolute last thing we expected.
The bag contained porn.
Specifically, 4 DVDs worth of porn.
Damn.
Ok, we're elated, and grab the bag, but our train pulled in, so we needed to get on that. I snuck a glance, and saw copious amounts of nude flesh on the DVD cases, and a receipt (!!!), but couldn't take a closer look. I mean, we couldn't exactly whip out this porn and examine it in detail on this crowded train, so we contented ourselves for the time being discussing this miracle that had happened. For there was no doubt that it was a miracle.
Anyway. The train got to Dupont Circle, where the theater is. We got out of the train, found our way out of the station, and were headed up on the escalator to the street, when it occurs to me to check this receipt, to see the cash value of the porn we had discovered. I get the receipt, and look, and see that the cash value of all this porn was something around $210. Jebus, this is the mother lode! However, while Devon and I were gawking at the receipt, Jack took the opportunity to examine the porn in greater detail, and announced that we needed to throw it away. Now, I'm understandably confused. "What are you talking about, man? This is porn! Free porn!" He simply asserted "No, dude, we need to ditch it. Just look." So I take the bag, and look at the DVD cases.
Now, we had been kinda rushed before this, and thus had not really taken close looks at the porn before. But now that I was at leisure to check it out, I noticed something. Something truly unexpected. Like I said, the quick glance earlier had revealed copious amounts of nude flesh.
It was only now that I could see in detail, that I noticed a disturbing lack of women.
That's right.
We had found a $210 mother lode of gay porn DVDs.
The horror.
So, ok, I show Devon, and we all concur that this needs to be disposed of. Then I think "Wait, gay or not, this is still $210 worth of porn. We should perhaps sell it. Put it on eBay or something." But Jack checks inside the DVD cases, and it is revealed that they're empty. Somebody had bought more than two hundred dollars worth of gay porn, taken the DVDs out of the cases, and left the cases in a subway station. What. The. Fuck.
OK, so this is a total waste. We get to the surface, and start looking around for a trash can, but see something even better. We see a guy playing a violin, on the street not far from the subway entrance, with the case open on the ground, and people occasionally tossing change in there. An evil thought occurs to me. So we take the porn, close the bag up good and tight around it so that it won't accidentally blow open or anything, toss it in the guy's case, and hurry over to the movie theater half a block away.
Yeah, I know, I know. Hell, we're going, meet you there, we'll have brunch.
So, yeah. This is a prime example of the wacky shit that happens when I go outdoors. Which is why I stay inside. Well, that and the fact that I always get bug bites, always, even in the dead of winter. But that's beside the point. Movie rocked, though.
Oh, yeah, the guy wasn't there when we came out of the theater. On the one hand, I really wanted to see his reaction when he looked in this bag and saw that he had been tipped with 4 empty gay porn DVD cases, but on the other hand, I do think that he'd have murdered us. I mean, even if he's in to that kind of thing, the DVDs aren't there! And even if they were, would a guy playing violin for donations really have a DVD player? Clearly, we're horrible people.
Jack, Devon, and myself (RPG group) were heading out to go see the dubbed Cowboy Bebop movie in the theaters. The plan was to park at a subway station, take that to the theater (with a couple switchings of trains on the way), watch it, take it back, and drive back to Devon's house to continue our Hackmaster game. However, something happened on the way. Something beyond the bizarre.
OK, we parked at the Franconia-Springfield station, all is good. We took the Blue Line to the Pentagon, switched to the Yellow Line, took that to Gallery Point. And got lost. See, we needed to switch lines at Gallery Point, but the layout of that station is all weird, so we got disoriented. We ended up wandering the station for a while, and eventually found ourselves way in the back against a wall. Now, this area was completely devoid of all life. I mean, not a person within a good 200 feet, in any direction. However, we were not entirely alone.
See, the subway stations have benches, so that people can sit down while waiting for their trains. And there was a bench there, in the ass end of the station. Nobody nearby. But on this bench, there was a small blue plastic bag, like one would get to carry something from a store in, clearly not empty. Now, we were understandably curious. We talked amongst ourselves for a second, asking "Should we look?" and "What the hell could be in there? Is it drugs? Cash?". But we were wrong. Jack went over and looked, and announced that the bag contained neither drugs nor cash, but instead the absolute last thing we expected.
The bag contained porn.
Specifically, 4 DVDs worth of porn.
Damn.
Ok, we're elated, and grab the bag, but our train pulled in, so we needed to get on that. I snuck a glance, and saw copious amounts of nude flesh on the DVD cases, and a receipt (!!!), but couldn't take a closer look. I mean, we couldn't exactly whip out this porn and examine it in detail on this crowded train, so we contented ourselves for the time being discussing this miracle that had happened. For there was no doubt that it was a miracle.
Anyway. The train got to Dupont Circle, where the theater is. We got out of the train, found our way out of the station, and were headed up on the escalator to the street, when it occurs to me to check this receipt, to see the cash value of the porn we had discovered. I get the receipt, and look, and see that the cash value of all this porn was something around $210. Jebus, this is the mother lode! However, while Devon and I were gawking at the receipt, Jack took the opportunity to examine the porn in greater detail, and announced that we needed to throw it away. Now, I'm understandably confused. "What are you talking about, man? This is porn! Free porn!" He simply asserted "No, dude, we need to ditch it. Just look." So I take the bag, and look at the DVD cases.
Now, we had been kinda rushed before this, and thus had not really taken close looks at the porn before. But now that I was at leisure to check it out, I noticed something. Something truly unexpected. Like I said, the quick glance earlier had revealed copious amounts of nude flesh.
It was only now that I could see in detail, that I noticed a disturbing lack of women.
That's right.
We had found a $210 mother lode of gay porn DVDs.
The horror.
So, ok, I show Devon, and we all concur that this needs to be disposed of. Then I think "Wait, gay or not, this is still $210 worth of porn. We should perhaps sell it. Put it on eBay or something." But Jack checks inside the DVD cases, and it is revealed that they're empty. Somebody had bought more than two hundred dollars worth of gay porn, taken the DVDs out of the cases, and left the cases in a subway station. What. The. Fuck.
OK, so this is a total waste. We get to the surface, and start looking around for a trash can, but see something even better. We see a guy playing a violin, on the street not far from the subway entrance, with the case open on the ground, and people occasionally tossing change in there. An evil thought occurs to me. So we take the porn, close the bag up good and tight around it so that it won't accidentally blow open or anything, toss it in the guy's case, and hurry over to the movie theater half a block away.
Yeah, I know, I know. Hell, we're going, meet you there, we'll have brunch.
So, yeah. This is a prime example of the wacky shit that happens when I go outdoors. Which is why I stay inside. Well, that and the fact that I always get bug bites, always, even in the dead of winter. But that's beside the point. Movie rocked, though.
Oh, yeah, the guy wasn't there when we came out of the theater. On the one hand, I really wanted to see his reaction when he looked in this bag and saw that he had been tipped with 4 empty gay porn DVD cases, but on the other hand, I do think that he'd have murdered us. I mean, even if he's in to that kind of thing, the DVDs aren't there! And even if they were, would a guy playing violin for donations really have a DVD player? Clearly, we're horrible people.
